kobetyrant:

the word “hoe” gets thrown around way too loosely I did not religiously suck dick to share that title with you virgins running a porn blog

(via rosaparking)

sluttymistletoe:

cringing:

is no one going to talk about how miranda has been replaced with a random middle aged woman

if you knew anything about lizzie mcguire you would know that miranda is livin it up in Mexico City while Lizzie has an awesome adventure with Paolo and Isabella, while trying to avoid the evil wrath of Ms Ungermeyer, who is definitely not some “random middle aged woman”

thanks

(via dream-big-live-shy)

  • me: hello darkness my old friend
  • darkness: do i know u

flatbootyvevo:

my anaconda don’t want none unless ur gonna pay my college funds

(via parkingstrange)

shouldnt:

THE FACT THAT THE AMERICAN PEDIATRIC SOCIETY TOLD AMERICAN SCHOOL SYSTEMS THAT TEENS SHOULD NOT BE UP BEFORE 8:30 AND ONLY 15% OF SCHOOLS LISTENED ANGERS ME SO MUCH

(via dream-big-live-shy)

scissor:

i tried making a funny joke relating to my url but i guess im not cut out for it

(via parkingstrange)

astonishingly:

my hobbies include: eating, sleeping, listening to music and being on tumblr

(via parkingstrange)

slomps:

Plot twist: Social and funny in real life, awkward on the internet

(via parkingstrange)

“You are a shitty person, but I miss you.”

3rd grade

  • friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
  • me: what
  • friend: OH MAN
  • OH
  • OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
  • I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
  • SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
  • JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.
liquorsexandtattoos:

2 years later still the dumbest shit i ever seen

liquorsexandtattoos:

2 years later still the dumbest shit i ever seen

(via sluttyoliveoil)

foodchewer:

its called freedom of spinach

(via parkingstrange)